


druuuuuunk in love (the gay remix)

by Squishy_TRex



Category: Ant-Man (2015), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Drunkenness, Established Relationship, Handsy drunks, Humor, Kissing, M/M, dave is completely done with his friends, dorks being dorks, the real fantastic four
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 08:45:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4558209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squishy_TRex/pseuds/Squishy_TRex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave REALLY hated being the designated driver.</p>
            </blockquote>





	druuuuuunk in love (the gay remix)

“Yo, Scotty, I just…I just gotta say, you…you’re, you’re my best friend ev-ever, man!” Luis drunkenly slurred from the backseat of the van. He tried to lean forward to reach Scott, who was sitting shotgun to Dave, who had the misfortune of driving.

Who, if he had remembered exactly the kind of friends he had, would not be ten seconds away from losing his mind.

“Awwww….Lu-Luis, you’re-you’re my, oops, sorry Dave, my best friend too. EVER,” Scott responded in equally drunk tones. Dave watched out of the corner of his eye, in growing irritation, as Scott poorly attempted to reach back to Luis, his hand weakly slapping at his knee.

Dave clenched the steering wheel as he heard Luis behind him drunkenly fumble with his seatbelt.

“Luis, I swear to God, if you unbuckle that seatbelt, I will eject you from this van and you can find your own way home,” Dave said, trying to keep an even tone. He didn’t have to turn around to know Luis was pouting.

“But Scotty’s soooooooooo far awaaaaaaaay, dawg” Luis drawled out, stretching his arms out in front of him.

“Do-Don’t worry, Luis, I-I-I toooootally got this,” Scott replied, reaching for his own seatbelt. Dave quickly slapped his hand away, eyes still on the road.

“That goes double for you Scott!”

“Awww, c'mon Dave,” Scott whined.

Dave shook his head. “Nah, don’t you start with me. You make me the designated driver, I make the rules.” Dave could feel his usually calm demeanor cracking. They needed to get back to the apartment before he really lost his cool. This whole outing had been completely out of his hands from the start.

All of them had decided to blow off some steam after a particularly rough week, but Scott had to get absolutely trashed (“I almost got stepped on FIVE times this week. FIVE.”) and of course, that meant Luis had to get wasted too (“for solidarity, man! you know how it is"). And then both of them pointed out that the wheelman was the perfect person to be the designated driver. Which left Dave sipping free watery sodas all night long, being ignored by everyone in the bar in favor of Scott and Luis, who were too busy drunkenly staring into each other’s eyes.

The only other (mostly) sober person in the van was Kurt, who was eyeing the drunken chaos with mild interest and confusion (mostly confusion). He had wanted to get drunk too, but Dave threatened X-Box privileges if he left him as the only sober person in the group.

“Is this…the normal for them?” Kurt asked as he leaned forward in his seat, apparently fascinated by the drunken chaos.

Dave spared a quick glance while at a stop sign and saw Luis had given up on fighting his harness and was leaning back, giggling at his hands. Scott had stretched out too far and was overdramatically trapped by the tightened seatbelt. Dave blew out a long sigh.

“Shit, I sure as hell hope not,” he said as he continued driving. “'Though Luis told me some stories of what he and Scott got up to when they go out.” Apparently, their wildest night had involved karaoke night at a gay bar, 20 plastic pink flamingos, and a lifetime ban from the Holiday Inn.

“Hopefully this not their normal. Scott has image to keep, being Avenger and all of that. Must be responsible now,” Kurt said.  

Dave snorted. “Ha! Good luck with that,” he said, looking over at Scott, who was now attempting to scowl at him.

“Hhhhey, you-you’re lucky I don’t have my…my… ant gear with me. Cause then-then I’d-I’d escape from this-this seat prison in no time,” Scott said, continuing to ineffectively grapple with his seat belt.

 “You know what, **you’re** damn lucky I have to drive this van right now because even if you could shrink your ass down, it would not be able to escape the ass kicking I’m ready to give you,” Dave responded, with, surprisingly, a more collected tone than he expected. Scott pouted and leaned back in his seat, far out of Dave’s reach.

“Hey-hey Scotty, yo, don’t listen t..to Dave….he’s bein-bein-being SUPER mean. Like, un-uncalled for, bro,”Luis said, pushing himself as close to the edge of his seat as possible. He stretched out one of his arms to gently caress the only part of Scott he could reach, which, in this case, was his shoulder. Scott beamed and leaned into the touch.

“Awww, thanks, Lu-Luis,”he said, continuing to smile like a doofus, “Hey, listen…listen…llllisssssten,” Scott slurred, clumsily bringing a finger to his lips.

“Oh, this should be good,” Dave muttered. Kurt chuckled behind him. Scott waved them away as he turned as much as possible towards Luis, who was now sporting a goofy smile to match Scott’s.

“Luis, I-I need to-to tell you some-somethin’ reeeal important.” Scott furrowed his brow, trying to look serious. “I lo-love you, man. And-and not like, just, in th-the friend way, but in-in the REAL way. Like, for real-real.” He tried to awkwardly reach for Luis, but was still restrained by his seatbelt and only managed a weirdly affectionate wave.

“Oh, Sc-Scotty,” Luis sighed out, face pressed against the back of Scott’s seat.

“Oh God,” Dave said and tried to figure out how much faster he could go without getting in trouble.

“I love you soooo much, I’m-I’m gonna name an ant aft-after you. An ANT. It’ll-It’ll be….uh…Luis-ant or…uh…Luis II…or-or somethin’,”Scott said, with what had to be the dumbest lovesick expression ever worn by anyone.

Dave rolled his eyes so hard they could’ve fallen out of his head. Kurt had gone from muffled chuckling to openly laughing.

Luis started quietly giggling along with Kurt, face still smushed against the front seat. “Ants,” he said before bursting out into full-blown laughter. When he finally calmed down, he breathed out a disappointed sigh. “Scotty, I wanna-wanna makeout with you sooooo bad.”

“Meeeeee toooo,” Scott replied, finally twisting his way out of his belted restraint and nearly close enough to Luis for some lip action.

“Nope!” Dave yelled. “Nope, nope, nope. No makeouts while I’m still driving. I had to suffer through your bullshit all night, the least you can do is wait until I can actually ignore you two!” Still bitter over how the night had turned out, he slammed his foot to the pedal, the van suddenly shooting ahead and slamming the lovebirds against their seats and away from each other.

“Are we breaking speed limit?” Kurt asked as Dave weaved through the remains of downtown traffic.

“At this point, man, I don’t care. I just need these two lovesick knuckleheads out of this van before they get free of their seatbelts.” Dave, though still focused on driving with superhuman levels of speed and accuracy, couldn’t help notice Scott had almost successfully shimmied his way out of the restraint across his lap. And when he heard the unmistakable click of a seatbelt being unfastened, he had to resist the urge to bury his head in his hands.

“Goddammit. Kurt will you please restrain Luis before I totally lose it and let him fly through the windshield?” Dave asked, taking a quick moment to tug Scott back. “Scott, I swear to God, I don’t care if Captain America’s your best friend, I’m going to seriously kick your ass.”

Scott countered him with an offended pout that rivaled ones used by his daughter. “Daaaaaaave…..why you-why you gotta keep us a-a-apart?” He tried to make his way backseat again, where Kurt was grappling with a giggling Luis who was still reaching for Scott like a child.

“I don’t deserve this,” Dave muttered as he pulled Scott back again, trying to figure out if he could drive the rest of this trip one-handed.

Thankfully, once Kurt managed to get Luis buckled back in his seat (getting an elbow in the stomach for his trouble) and Scott finally gave way to drunken exhaustion, feebly reaching for the backseat instead of bodily hurling himself back there, it was (relatively) smooth sailing.

When he finally parked the van in its spot by the apartment building, Dave leaned his head against the back of seat, closed his eyes and sighed deeply, his soul temporarily leaving his body. “Oh thank god, we’re back."  After finally freeing them from their seats, it took near superhuman effort for Dave and Kurt to keep their friends from pawing at each other as they stumbled out of the van and onto the sidewalk. Dave managed to hang onto Scott, who was childishly trying to slip out of his grip, and pointed a finger at Kurt. “You better help me out with this.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Is that not what I am doing?” he replied, dragging Luis, still giggling like a maniac, up to the front entrance.

So together, they walked Scott and Luis up to the apartment, their work cut out for them as they used every ounce of strength to keep them from jumping each other on the way there. When the finally reached their floor, they nearly scandalized some of their new neighbors as Dave stopped to unlock the door and Scott lunged for Luis, catching the side of his mouth and chin in a messy kiss, slamming him (and Kurt) against the wall.

Dave groaned, dragging Scott away and inside the apartment. “After tonight, I’m gonna become a supervillain JUST to kick your ass.”

Both Dave and Kurt unceremoniously dumped their drunken friends on the couch and collapsed in the chairs at the table nearby. Luis had ended up at one side of the couch, head back against a few pillows, while Scott had fallen straight into his lap.

Dave scoffed at the sight. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll just pass right out,” he grumbled to Kurt, who nodded, dazedly, in agreement.

Unfortunately, their relief was short-lived as Scott, suddenly powered by a random burst of drunken energy, clambered his way up Luis until they were face to face and proceeded to messily kiss him with the kind of fervor only reserved for the truly plastered. Luis moaned and responded enthusiastically, trying to (unsuccessfully) use on hand to frame Scott’s face and the other to run it through his hair.

“Ohhhh yeah, th-th-that’s it. Give Daddy so-some sugar,” Luis said, which persuaded Scott to step up his game and leave sloppy kisses from Luis’s mouth to his neck while inching a hand up his shirt.

Dave stared at them with the stunned expression of a man who would no longer be able to unhear what he just heard and, after blinking himself back to reality, threw his hands up. “Alright, fuck this shit, I’m out,” he said and tossing Kurt the van keys before heading to the door. “Kurt you’re driving. After all that dumbass nonsense, I deserve to get wasted, so you’re going to drive my ass to as many bars as it takes for me to forget this night ever happened.”  With that, he tugged his jacket closer and stalked out of the apartment, Kurt close behind.

Taking one last look at the scene on the couch, which was quickly passing PG-13 and heading into R territory, Kurt walked out into the hallway, pulling the apartment door closed, and shrugged. He followed Dave away from the apartment, both of them ignoring a sudden loud thud followed by two even louder noises of pain.

**Author's Note:**

> I definitely walked out of the movie shipping Scott/Luis and I wanted fic of them plus the rest of the gang so this thing happened. I need more of this foursome in my life.


End file.
